It's 4:30 on a Sunday morning and I'm awake.
Just take a moment to gather that all in....
Ace woke up around 3:30 and I've just not been able to settle my mind down enough to go back to sleep, so here I am blogger. You better believe I've already got the coffee brewing.
Tonight my husband and I will dedicate our baby son to the Lord. We did this very same thing 3 years ago with Jackson. But it feels so different now. I can't quite put my finger on what it is, but something just feels changed.
It's not the sentiment of it. When we dedicated our oldest, I meant every bit of it. I knew back then that I wanted to raise Jackson in a Christ centered home. I knew that I wanted his heart to be prepared for Jesus. I knew back then just like I know now that I loved my child more than life itself.
Maybe what I didn't know was just how hard it was. If I want my children to know Jesus, I have to let Jesus shine through me. And to be honest with you, sometimes I just don't feel like it. I want to be grumpy. I'm selfish a lot. That's definitely not a trait of Jesus. Sometimes I loose my temper when it just isn't necessary. I could go on and on about the sin and faults in my life.
Maybe I also didn't know back then how blessed I am. My heart has just been broken over so many families that I read about on different blogs. Sweet families who have had to say goodbye to babies until Heaven, women who are struggling with infertility, miscarriages, sickness. Tears fill my eyes as I think of a precious family at our church who are desperately grieving the loss of a baby. My children are here and they are healthy. I praise Jesus for this, but I can't help but question and hurt for those who can't say the same.
Jesus, all I can know for sure is that You are found everywhere. You are with those who are grieving, You are with those who a fighting sickness, You are with those who are struggling. I praise You Lord for being with me when I am anything but deserving. Precious Jesus, wrap your arms around those who are hurting right now. Blanket them with your love and comfort. Father, I thank You for the blessings of my children. I pray that you make me the mother that they need. Create in me a passion for you that is evident to my little boys. Allow me to show them Jesus by being the hands and feet of Jesus to others. Put a longing in their hearts for You. Thank You for my children. Please never let me take one single moment for granted. In Your sweet name, Amen.