Friday, May 22, 2009

Our little "Big Man"

Ace at 4 months:
- You can roll over from your belly to your back. But I've yet to see you go from your back to your belly.
- You loooove to reach for your toys and look so pleased with yourself when you grab them and put them in your mouth.
- You have full on belly laughs now. Sometimes you will just look at me and laugh. I know, I'm funny looking.
- You are super ticklish. Your tickle spots are under your neck, belly, and armpits.
- I'm pretty sure you think that your big brother hung the moon. You light up when he is around you.
- You sleep through the night most nights. Your bedtime is around 6:30. So early! And most of the time it is a struggle to keep you awake that long. You usually sleep until about 6:15 the next morning.
- You have 2 routine naps. The first about 9:30 and the second around 2:00. As much as you came into the world hating to sleep, you seem to enjoy it now.
- At your doctors appt. today, you weighed 18lbs 6oz. (95th percentile). You were 25.75" long (90th percentile). The doctor seems to think that you will be average size when you get older.
- You look just like your Daddy. The only thing that you got from me are your dimples.
- You're just about the sweetest thing that this earth has ever seen. You are easy to please, generally very happy, and such a wonderful addition to our life. We love you, Mr. Bennett Ace!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

To my first born

Loving Two

I walk around holding your 3 year old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I cant", knowing in fact, that I never can again. You cry. I cry with you.

I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again. But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and almost feeling guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him-- as though I'm betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection. More days pass, and we are setting into a new routine. The memory of days just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just us two. There are new times, only now, we are three.

I watch the look between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how he adores you-- as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you.

I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you-- only differently. And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you will never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you-- you each have your own supply. I love you-- both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
My Jack,

I love you, my precious little boy. You amaze me every day with your tender heart, keen sense of humor, brilliant mind, and beautiful soul. I cannot say that the past few months have been easy on either of us. There have been a lot of times when I haven't been able to play, or hold you, or give you the attention you need. But I hope you remember all the times we have spent together. Lots of times spent with Candy Land, baking cookies, train races, little afternoon trips with just us two, and snuggling. Thank you for making this huge transition as smooth as possible. You are a trooper. I love you to the ends of the earth and back. Thank you for making me a Mama.

Love forever,


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Wordless Wednesday (Well... minimal words)

"These dadgum feet are going to be the death of me." -Ace Van Nus

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Funk Soul Brother

It's 4:30 on a Sunday morning and I'm awake.

Just take a moment to gather that all in....

Ace woke up around 3:30 and I've just not been able to settle my mind down enough to go back to sleep, so here I am blogger. You better believe I've already got the coffee brewing.

Tonight my husband and I will dedicate our baby son to the Lord. We did this very same thing 3 years ago with Jackson. But it feels so different now. I can't quite put my finger on what it is, but something just feels changed.

It's not the sentiment of it. When we dedicated our oldest, I meant every bit of it. I knew back then that I wanted to raise Jackson in a Christ centered home. I knew that I wanted his heart to be prepared for Jesus. I knew back then just like I know now that I loved my child more than life itself.

Maybe what I didn't know was just how hard it was. If I want my children to know Jesus, I have to let Jesus shine through me. And to be honest with you, sometimes I just don't feel like it. I want to be grumpy. I'm selfish a lot. That's definitely not a trait of Jesus. Sometimes I loose my temper when it just isn't necessary. I could go on and on about the sin and faults in my life.

Maybe I also didn't know back then how blessed I am. My heart has just been broken over so many families that I read about on different blogs. Sweet families who have had to say goodbye to babies until Heaven, women who are struggling with infertility, miscarriages, sickness. Tears fill my eyes as I think of a precious family at our church who are desperately grieving the loss of a baby. My children are here and they are healthy. I praise Jesus for this, but I can't help but question and hurt for those who can't say the same.

Jesus, all I can know for sure is that You are found everywhere. You are with those who are grieving, You are with those who a fighting sickness, You are with those who are struggling. I praise You Lord for being with me when I am anything but deserving. Precious Jesus, wrap your arms around those who are hurting right now. Blanket them with your love and comfort. Father, I thank You for the blessings of my children. I pray that you make me the mother that they need. Create in me a passion for you that is evident to my little boys. Allow me to show them Jesus by being the hands and feet of Jesus to others. Put a longing in their hearts for You. Thank You for my children. Please never let me take one single moment for granted. In Your sweet name, Amen.

Friday, May 1, 2009

The heart of my home

Kelly's Korner, one of my absolute favorite blogs, is hosting a tour of homes. I love looking at other people's homes, and thought I would join in on the fun. This week is kitchen week. My kitchen is definitely the heart of our home. I spend so much time in our kitchen, either preparing, eating, or cleaning up from mealtime. That rotation is probably the majority of my day. Ahhhh, the life of a mom.

As you can see from my kitchen, there are a few things that I'm not afraid of. That would be: Color, things that are so ugly they are cute, roosters, retro, and mismatched stuff. I would say the main theme of my kitchen is colorful-retro-mismatched. Ha- love it. I could probably describe myself with that same combination of words.

This is our first home, and when we purchased it 5 years ago, I didn't love the kitchen. But back then, we thought we would be in this house a max of 5 years or so. Ha! With the housing market the way it is, we are now in this house for the long haul. Or at least several more years. So, with that being said, there are going to be ongoing upgrades to get the kitchen to where I want it. We are going to remove the tile flooring and have our concrete stained, and also have our cabinets painted & antiqued. Eventually I would like to have stainless steel appliances, but that won't be until the current appliances I have die.

So... without further ado... here's my kitchen.

Oh wait, that's Jackson's kitchen. Here' mine:The long view. Just a galley kitchen. Unfortunately, no room for an island.

My bakers rack. I collect McCoy pottery, which is the yellow stuff on top. This also houses my 70's cannister set, my antique Pyrex bowl, my antique scale, and at the very bottom are some bibs for the baby and my cookbooks.
I found this little pitcher at a yard sale for a dollar. It is McCoy and very old. Worth waaaay more than a dollar!
Love my gas stove. So much better than electric.
My dishes are Fiestaware. I love all the gorgeous colors. I also have a small collection of Jadeite.
This is what I call "so ugly that it's cute". This is another $1 yard sale find. Owls are very in right now!
This wine rack is right above my sink. We bought this from Pottery Barn right after we bought the house to cover up the huge open space. We're not wine drinkers, but I thought it was pretty.
I much prefer a clean refrigerator with nothing on it. But, with kids it's kind of impossible to keep it cleared off.

Our kitchen table. Lots of meals eaten together here. Love it!

This is a painting of my Papaw's barn. Seriously, it looks just like that. (Mountains and everything.) This is very special to me.

Jackson's finger painting that I framed. He made this for me for Mother's Day when he was just a year old. Can't wait until Ace is old enough to frame some of his artwork!

AND... lastly, our family calendar. This keeps me together. It hangs on the long wall going into our laundry room. I couldn't remember anything without this.

Hope y'all enjoyed my tour. Thanks, Kelly for hosting!!!